why did i die?
i died for the hope that Godwhy did i die?
i died for the hope that God gives me: hope for heaven, hope for a celestial body that is free of infirmity and pain (and is female), hope that my asperger-limited mind will be freed, hope that this miserable and meaningless life will be traded in for an eternity of joy and thanksgiving and praise (for Him) in the arms of the almighty and loving God.
"He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this
world shall keep it unto life eternal." - John 12:25
i admit, faith has always been hard for me, but i've always held out at the hope that the scriptures give me. quite frankly, even if what awaits me is oblivion, i will still be in a better place and state.
while i understand that for many there will be grief at my passing, please try to understand that for me this will be a joyous passing, and that i really will be in a better place.
if you think "she didn't give any warning signs", well duh, i'm too smart to do that. for your next question, i've been wanting to die for a while now, at least since my "leg attack" in march of '10 (if not before). i didn't want to turn 40, but that happened anyway. since then, i've had two more unwanted birthdays, which only served to slowly strengthen my resolve.
the world of medicine has inadvertantly given me excesses of insulin and tramadol, a blessing with which i can execute my final exit from this life without endangering others (i had briefly considered killing myself in an explosion using my oxygen bottles, but i realized the harm to others and the property damage it would cause).
anyhoo, what happens to my earthly things doesn't matter.
that is all.
@-}-- alannawhy did i die?
I loved Alanna as much as if I were married to her. We were never romantic but we were life partners. The pain I feel has been increased but my resolve to help others has also increased. I now plan to join a suicide prevention hotline group.
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