Faith in Christ versus Atheism

During the time of sleeplessness in dealing with Alanna's suicide I spent time praying.
While praying the Holy Spirit brought the name of Horatio Spafford to mind.

Horatio Spafford was a 43 year old lawyer. He lived in a north side suburb of Chicago with his wife and four children.

In 1871, his only son died.

A few months later, the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 consumed Spafford's real estate investments. He lost his entire life savings.

Two years later, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation to Europe. Spafford was delayed by last minute business.

He sent his wife and four daughters on the SS Ville du Havre as scheduled, promising to follow in a few days.

On November 22 1873, the ship was struck by an iron sailing vessel, and it sank in twelve minutes. 226 people lost their lives,including Spafford's daughthers.

When the survivors of the shipwreck landed in Europe, Spafford's wife Anna cabled her husband, "Saved alone. What shall I do?

Spafford immediately left Chicago to bring his wife home.

In the midst of his sorrow,he requested that the captain sail near the place of his daughters death, which was granted. There he wrote the words that became the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul"

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, 
 when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
 whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, 
 It is well, it is well with my soul. 
Refrain:
 It is well with my soul, 
 it is well, it is well with my soul. 

2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, 
 let this blest assurance control, 
 that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, 
 and hath shed his own blood for my soul. 
 (Refrain) 

3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! 
 My sin, not in part but the whole, 
 is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, 
 praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! 
 (Refrain) 

4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, 
 the clouds be rolled back as a scroll; 
 the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, 
 even so, it is well with my soul. 
 (Refrain) 

---

In spite of their tragedy, in 1881, the Spaffords moved to Jerusalem to meet the needs of the Muslim and Jewish communities there as missionaries.


We sang this song in church last Sunday. I have known the history so the song has only held a special place in my heart. I found a youtube video of the song with the Spafford story.

This song written by what Jessica Sideways calls a delusional person gives me peace in this troubled time in my life.

What does this atheist non-faith offer me for peace and comfort?

NOTHING.

If I am delusional.... GOOD!!!

Belief in the reality of Christ is what will get me through this time of sorrow.

Bronx cheer to Jessica

Second tragedy of the day

At 10:30 tonight I realised that there was an unusually large number of insulin needles in the trash so I opened Alanna's computer and found this note:

why did i die?

i died for the hope that Godwhy did i die?

i died for the hope that God gives me: hope for heaven, hope for a celestial body that is free of infirmity and pain (and is female), hope that my asperger-limited mind will be freed, hope that this miserable and meaningless life will be traded in for an eternity of joy and thanksgiving and praise (for Him) in the arms of the almighty and loving God.

"He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this

world shall keep it unto life eternal." - John 12:25

i admit, faith has always been hard for me, but i've always held out at the hope that the scriptures give me. quite frankly, even if what awaits me is oblivion, i will still be in a better place and state.

while i understand that for many there will be grief at my passing, please try to understand that for me this will be a joyous passing, and that i really will be in a better place.

if you think "she didn't give any warning signs", well duh, i'm too smart to do that. for your next question, i've been wanting to die for a while now, at least since my "leg attack" in march of '10 (if not before). i didn't want to turn 40, but that happened anyway. since then, i've had two more unwanted birthdays, which only served to slowly strengthen my resolve.

the world of medicine has inadvertantly given me excesses of insulin and tramadol, a blessing with which i can execute my final exit from this life without endangering others (i had briefly considered killing myself in an explosion using my oxygen bottles, but i realized the harm to others and the property damage it would cause).

anyhoo, what happens to my earthly things doesn't matter.

that is all.

@-}-- alannawhy did i die? 

I loved  Alanna as much as if I were married to her. We were never romantic but we were life partners. The pain I feel has been increased but my resolve to help others has also increased. I now plan to join a suicide prevention hotline group.

Results of the Passing of my Best Friend and Life Partner

At 10:30 this evening I opened Alanna's computer and found her suicide note. She had been depressed for a long time and did her best to hide it from me. I suspected her depression but she always denied it. She drank a bottle of butterscotch whiskey to wash down a whole bottle of tramadol and injected herself with dozens of insulin shots.

I am resolved to do my best to not let it happen to anyone else. No one should ever get that unhappy again.

The Real Bigots

The controversy over Chik-fil-a CEO saying they do not support glbt marriage just shows who the real bigots are. The leftist/liberal/glbt people who don't believe that people should have the freedom to disagree with them. Their temper tantrum mentality of throwing a fit every time someone exercises their freedom of speech shows that THEY are the real bigots. They want us to live under a fascist dictatorship (no matter who gets the presidency in November we will be there. Sooner if Obama is re-elected)where no one has the freedom to have an opinion contrary to so-called popular opinion. Remember pollsters that espouse a liberal agenda pick areas that will support their agenda not areas where they will get low results. Pollsters that espouse conservative views tend to be more honest than liberals.

The liberals need to stop using terrorist/ Muslim tactics to get their way.
the glbt community needs to stop trying to force others to espouse their viewpoint. When glbt people try to force their opinion on those that disagree it proves that their agenda is not good for all people. It is only good for a minority of 8-10 percent. 

Bed Bug Free

Contrary to the attacks made against me which say I am spreading bedbugs. We have been free of the little monsters for almost a year and constantly spray to keep them away.

The Sad Tale of a militant God-rejector

There is a supposed trans-woman here in Denver who has a personal vendetta against me. Her constant posts attacking Christianity and me are very tiring. She has attacked friends of mine and any group which follows the Standards if Care. She questions my transgender identity and mocks my appearance. I have tried to be civil and not counterattack . But her attacks have continued for over two years.

I have been diagnosed as being transexual as per the Standards of Care. I have been accepted by Dr Marci Bowers as a patient when I have the money for reassignment surgery. Since it is unlikely that I will ever get the money, I can accept my non-operative status.

As to my appearance, I do the best that I can considering that I transitioned in my late forties. This person looks like a bleached whale. Her mannerisms are still male as is her voice and appearance.

She has changed her college major at least five times in three years.

Her irrational hatred of Christianity is based on an abusive childhood which led to her rejection of Christianity and her journey toward Satanism not an examination of the historicity of the Bible. I was the one person who answered her objections which would have satisfied an honest inquirer.

She thinks anyone who disagrees with her is psychotic. She is just as psychotic in her un-faith pushing ,which does not stop even when asked to stop, as those she attacks.

The so-called persecution for my beliefs is false. I am a political conservative, (not a republican). The glbt community hates any conservative viewpoint since it opposes their agenda.


My views today are that neither Mormon (called by some American Mohammedism) Ronmey nor the Muslim Obama deserve to lead this country.

Obama's War on Democracy

This excellent article shows what our Dictator in  Chief is really like

 

Obama's War on Democracy Stephen Lendman, Contributor
Activist Post
In June 2009, Obama orchestrated Honduran President Manuel Zelaya's ouster. A US-supported fascist despot replaced him. For good reason Honduras is called the murder capital of the world. Independent journalists are killed. So are protesters for democratic change.

After its calamitous January 2010 earthquake, Obama militarized Haiti, plundered it freely, opposed Jean-Bertrand Aristide's return, orchestrated the nation's rigged elections, and prohibited the emergence of democracy.

On September 30, 2010, his attempt to oust Ecuador's Rafael Correa failed. Coup plotters shut down airports, blocked highways, burned tires, and roughed up the president. They also took over an airbase, parliament, and Quito streets. They acted on the pretext of a law restructuring police benefits. Ignored was that Correa doubled their wages.

Obama's fingerprints were all over the scheme to oust a business-friendly leader who fell short of a neoliberal perfection. If Correa grants Julian Assange amnesty, perhaps his long knives won't fail next time.

In the interim, he added another democrat to his trophy collection. On June 22, he plunged a dagger into Paraguayan democracy. Parliamentary impeachment was his weapon of choice.

A former Roman Catholic Bishop, Fernando Lugo was elected president in August 2008. Noted liberation theologian/philosopher/author Leonardo Boff attended his inauguration.

He said it was "an extremely happy moment." He called Lugo a "true bishop of liberation. We are celebrating the rise to power of one more liberator of Latin American."

Called both "the Bishop of the Poor" and "the Red Bishop," his election ushered in hope for change. Ordained in 1977, he worked as an indigenous community missionary until 1982.

He spent 10 years studying at the Vatican. He was appointed Paraguay's Divine Word head. In 1994, he became Bishop of the Paraguayan San Pedro Department.

Three of his brothers were exiled. Conservative Paraguayan Catholic leaders pressured him to resign because he supported landless family settlements on large latifundio estates.

On Christmas day 2006, he announced his presidential candidacy. Popular support madehim a threat to Colorado Party rule. In September 2007, he formed a multi-party opposition coalition. He registered as a Christian Democrat Party (PDC) candidate. He ran as the Patriotic Alliance for Change (APC) nominee.

Winning nearly 41% of the vote, he failed to gain an absolute majority. Colorado's Blanca Ovelar got 31%. He pledged a government "characterized by honesty and not by corruption."

He called for "unity" and extended "a very special invitation to the entire political class, to all without exception" to participate in his government.

Colorado leaders vowed to regain power as soon as possible. With others on the far right, it controls parliament. Lugo said "Latin America is living a different moment." His inauguration ended six decades of right wing Colorado rule.

Paraguay's population is around seven million. It's one of South America's poorest countries. Nearly half the population lives on less than $2 a day. Unemployment or underemployment runs almost 40%.

Social inequality is among Latin America's highest. Powerful interests run the country. One man alone can't change things. Governing as a centrist, he tried, but now he's gone. He called himself a proponent of "socially responsible" capitalism. Washington considers him a closet communist.

He vowed to be a uniter, not a divider. "I will not be a Paraguayan Morales," he said. He promised "a middle path between Chavez and Lula."

From 1947 - 1989, mostly junta power ran Paraguay. General Alfredo Stroessner was in charge from August 1954 - February 1989. After falling out of favor with Washington, General Andres Rodriguez's coup ousted him.

In May 1993, Colorado's Juan Carlos Wasmosy became Paraguay's first civilian president in four decades. Lugo's ouster reestablished hardline neoliberal rule. Right wing parliamentarians assure it.

After a five-hour trial, 39 senators voted to remove him. Washington controlled things behind the scenes.

Ahead of proceedings, Venezuela's Foreign Minister Nicolas Maduro traveled to Asuncion with 11 other regional foreign ministers. He denounced them as a "new typeof coup." He called it a "truly shameful act..."

Lugo didn't attend. He watched on television. His lawyers spoke on his behalf. They got virtually no preparation time. Their request for 18 days was denied. Doing so violated Paraguay's constitution.

Their arguments on behalf of Lugo fell on deaf ears. Proceedings were rigged to convict. Orders came from el norte.

Ahead of his ouster, Venezuela's Union of South American Nations (UNASUR) Secretary-General Ali Rodriguez denounced the attempted coup.

He said:

UNASUR’s greatest concern is the legitimate exercise of democracy, and within that, that there be a guiding principal of the administration of justice and conditions, (that's) absolutely indispensable.

Following the coup, ALBA (Bolivarian Alliance of the Americas) countries condemned it. Lugo attorneys got one day's notice and two hours to defend him. Charges against him were spurious.

Ahead of them in mid-June, clashes between landless peasants and police left 17 dead. Lugo named a new interior minister and national police chief.

The confrontations followed weeks of peasants occupying wealthy latifundista land. They called it illegally acquired public land.

The combination was pretext to act. Parliamentary palace coup proceedings followed.

Charges brought included signing a Mercosur Southern common market Protocol for Democracy, allowing a military installation youth meeting, clashes described above, deaths resulting from them, and failure to capture leftist guerillas.

The indictment said evidence supporting charges wasn't necessary. Lugo was guilty by accusation. Ousting him was prearranged. Latin American democracy sustained a body blow.

Lugo called his removal "a parliamentary coup against the will of the people." He called the new government illegitimate. He said democracy must be restored.

ALBA members expressed solidarity. Liberal Party member Federico Franco replaced him. He served as Lugo's vice president. His neoliberal advocacy is business friendly. Recognition wasn't extended.

He's extrajudicially forming a new government. He promised to respect big money's private property and honor Paraguay's foreign commitments. He meant those benefitting elite interests.

He asked other regional leaders not to call him a pariah for spurning the rights of impoverished Paraguayans desperate for help to survive.

Venezuelan Vice President Elias Jaua blamed Washington and elitist Paraguayans for what happened. He denounced efforts to weaken revolutionary Latin American change, saying:

The battle of the Paraguayan people is that of the Venezuelans, and we are committed to thwart this new attempt by the oligarchies and imperialism as we did in Venezuela in 2002....  

He added that regional popular struggles are about "letting imperialism know that our Latin America is no longer their backyard."

At the same time, ending its last vestiges takes time. Lugo's ouster set things back.

It's for regional campesinos to regain lost ground. It's crucial they continue struggling against neoliberalism's death grip. It's that or perish. There is no other choice.

In June 2009, Obama orchestrated Honduran President Manuel Zelaya's ouster. A US-supported fascist despot replaced him. For good reason Honduras is called the murder capital of the world. Independent journalists are killed. So are protesters for democratic change.

After its calamitous January 2010 earthquake, Obama militarized Haiti, plundered it freely, opposed Jean-Bertrand Aristide's return, orchestrated the nation's rigged elections, and prohibited the emergence of democracy.

On September 30, 2010, his attempt to oust Ecuador's Rafael Correa failed. Coup plotters shut down airports, blocked highways, burned tires, and roughed up the president. They also took over an airbase, parliament, and Quito streets. They acted on the pretext of a law restructuring police benefits. Ignored was that Correa doubled their wages.

Obama's fingerprints were all over the scheme to oust a business-friendly leader who fell short of a neoliberal perfection. If Correa grants Julian Assange amnesty, perhaps his long knives won't fail next time.

In the interim, he added another democrat to his trophy collection. On June 22, he plunged a dagger into Paraguayan democracy. Parliamentary impeachment was his weapon of choice.

A former Roman Catholic Bishop, Fernando Lugo was elected president in August 2008. Noted liberation theologian/philosopher/author Leonardo Boff attended his inauguration.

He said it was "an extremely happy moment." He called Lugo a "true bishop of liberation. We are celebrating the rise to power of one more liberator of Latin American."

Called both "the Bishop of the Poor" and "the Red Bishop," his election ushered in hope for change. Ordained in 1977, he worked as an indigenous community missionary until 1982.

He spent 10 years studying at the Vatican. He was appointed Paraguay's Divine Word head. In 1994, he became Bishop of the Paraguayan San Pedro Department.

Three of his brothers were exiled. Conservative Paraguayan Catholic leaders pressured him to resign because he supported landless family settlements on large latifundio estates.

On Christmas day 2006, he announced his presidential candidacy. Popular support madehim a threat to Colorado Party rule. In September 2007, he formed a multi-party opposition coalition. He registered as a Christian Democrat Party (PDC) candidate. He ran as the Patriotic Alliance for Change (APC) nominee.

Winning nearly 41% of the vote, he failed to gain an absolute majority. Colorado's Blanca Ovelar got 31%. He pledged a government "characterized by honesty and not by corruption."

He called for "unity" and extended "a very special invitation to the entire political class, to all without exception" to participate in his government.

Colorado leaders vowed to regain power as soon as possible. With others on the far right, it controls parliament. Lugo said "Latin America is living a different moment." His inauguration ended six decades of right wing Colorado rule.

Paraguay's population is around seven million. It's one of South America's poorest countries. Nearly half the population lives on less than $2 a day. Unemployment or underemployment runs almost 40%.

Social inequality is among Latin America's highest. Powerful interests run the country. One man alone can't change things. Governing as a centrist, he tried, but now he's gone. He called himself a proponent of "socially responsible" capitalism. Washington considers him a closet communist.

He vowed to be a uniter, not a divider. "I will not be a Paraguayan Morales," he said. He promised "a middle path between Chavez and Lula."

From 1947 - 1989, mostly junta power ran Paraguay. General Alfredo Stroessner was in charge from August 1954 - February 1989. After falling out of favor with Washington, General Andres Rodriguez's coup ousted him.

In May 1993, Colorado's Juan Carlos Wasmosy became Paraguay's first civilian president in four decades. Lugo's ouster reestablished hardline neoliberal rule. Right wing parliamentarians assure it.

After a five-hour trial, 39 senators voted to remove him. Washington controlled things behind the scenes.

Ahead of proceedings, Venezuela's Foreign Minister Nicolas Maduro traveled to Asuncion with 11 other regional foreign ministers. He denounced them as a "new typeof coup." He called it a "truly shameful act..."

Lugo didn't attend. He watched on television. His lawyers spoke on his behalf. They got virtually no preparation time. Their request for 18 days was denied. Doing so violated Paraguay's constitution.

Their arguments on behalf of Lugo fell on deaf ears. Proceedings were rigged to convict. Orders came from el norte.

Ahead of his ouster, Venezuela's Union of South American Nations (UNASUR) Secretary-General Ali Rodriguez denounced the attempted coup.

He said:

UNASUR’s greatest concern is the legitimate exercise of democracy, and within that, that there be a guiding principal of the administration of justice and conditions, (that's) absolutely indispensable.

Following the coup, ALBA (Bolivarian Alliance of the Americas) countries condemned it. Lugo attorneys got one day's notice and two hours to defend him. Charges against him were spurious.

Ahead of them in mid-June, clashes between landless peasants and police left 17 dead. Lugo named a new interior minister and national police chief.

The confrontations followed weeks of peasants occupying wealthy latifundista land. They called it illegally acquired public land.

The combination was pretext to act. Parliamentary palace coup proceedings followed.

Charges brought included signing a Mercosur Southern common market Protocol for Democracy, allowing a military installation youth meeting, clashes described above, deaths resulting from them, and failure to capture leftist guerillas.

The indictment said evidence supporting charges wasn't necessary. Lugo was guilty by accusation. Ousting him was prearranged. Latin American democracy sustained a body blow.

Lugo called his removal "a parliamentary coup against the will of the people." He called the new government illegitimate. He said democracy must be restored.

ALBA members expressed solidarity. Liberal Party member Federico Franco replaced him. He served as Lugo's vice president. His neoliberal advocacy is business friendly. Recognition wasn't extended.

He's extrajudicially forming a new government. He promised to respect big money's private property and honor Paraguay's foreign commitments. He meant those benefitting elite interests.

He asked other regional leaders not to call him a pariah for spurning the rights of impoverished Paraguayans desperate for help to survive.

Venezuelan Vice President Elias Jaua blamed Washington and elitist Paraguayans for what happened. He denounced efforts to weaken revolutionary Latin American change, saying:

The battle of the Paraguayan people is that of the Venezuelans, and we are committed to thwart this new attempt by the oligarchies and imperialism as we did in Venezuela in 2002....  

He added that regional popular struggles are about "letting imperialism know that our Latin America is no longer their backyard."

At the same time, ending its last vestiges takes time. Lugo's ouster set things back.

It's for regional campesinos to regain lost ground. It's crucial they continue struggling against neoliberalism's death grip. It's that or perish. There is no other choice.